Are We All Just Looking For Someone That Doesn’t Exist?

We’ve definitely shifted away from the monogamous days of two humans connecting, sharing with and caring for each other.

Love these days is a guy in a bar trying to bag the hot chick on the adjacent stool. It’s quick and easy sex, the death of chivalry and of fidelity.

And it’s a slippery slope. Eventually, sexual encounters will only be casual affairs between baby mommas and baby daddies. Marriage will all but die out in a generation of divorce, and curiosity will outweigh faithfulness – because we’re rooted in the belief that the grass is always greener on the other side, and there’s nothing some mollies and Avicii tunes can stop us from doing, no matter how much we love our girlfriends.

But this leaves us stranded in the toughest of predicaments, because as much as we love to be a promiscuous bunch, test the waters with diverse pussy and collect the stories that come out of it – we at some point or another have to acknowledge the end of our reign and retire our jersey.

We will eventually want to settle down with someone. As humans, intrinsically we crave bonds and connections – we are social creatures by nature. We (eventually) want to share other moments beyond pulling her hair and making her look back at it.

And this is where the real problems arise. We’ve all been there before – we’ve all had that relationship that still lingers and stings when you think back on it. We were all naïve enough to believe it might last forever. Back then that person seemed perfect, because it was the first person with whom we ever shared such a bond, so essentially – they’re all we know. So we’ve constructed them in our minds to express perfection, because they are what seemed so right at first.

The experience is something similar to giving a baby a computer when all he knows is toys. He will go back to his toys. And that’s the mindset our generation is stuck in. Sure, we may have moved on, but we have set the standard pretty high for the next person to come around – hoping she might be as perfect as the first one.

The truth is, that’s impossible – everyone is replaceable, but you will never find anyone as perfect as the person you loved for the first time – which is why the first cut is the deepest.

You’ve made it so no one could be good enough to compete with her, they’ll never be at the same par as this infallible figure you’ve erected in your head. So you stop trying. We all tell ourselves that we want someone perfect, but that unachievable feat can’t possibly exist in the real world.

We’re setting ourselves up for failure. Perfection isn’t objective; it varies in perception. I think the perfect girl would wake me up with a morning BJ and never send me off to bed hungry. Someone else’s perfect might be multiple piercings and a back tattoo.

It’s based purely on preference, and that preference is defined and created in the wake of our first love, attempting to carry onto the next. That’s why they’re rebounds and space fillers. They are standing in for this idealized construction of perfection – unfortunately it doesn’t exist.

You need to open your eyes. You won’t achieve perfection. Your first girlfriend won’t come back to you; your life isn’t a Disney movie. There will never be anyone else like her – no one will ever smell like her, touch like her, bite her fingers when she’s nervous or call you by the same pet name (other than “babe”).

Perfect doesn’t exist in this world, and unfortunately what each of us finds perfect, we will never be able to find again – because someone else will be enjoying our perfect.

This leaves most of us aimlessly searching for something that doesn’t exist, not giving anyone we meet a chance because we’ve stacked the qualifications so high in what we want and require as our perfect. We keep putting it off and off, saying we won’t settle down – but, essentially, that leaves us all alone. A friend of mine is now 30 and so stubborn that he refuses to settle with any other girl who isn’t exactly like his first love.

We, collectively, have issues moving on, and as much as we swear we have – because it has been so long – we refuse to tell the truth to ourselves. We need to actually move on, we need to forget about our perfect and hit the reset button on that function in our minds.

We need to give other people a chance and not be so stubborn, hiding behind these imaginary walls we’ve erected around ourselves. We need to create a new perfect. We have to forget what was or what could have been and focus on what is.

~Guys In The Know

Are We All Just Looking For Someone That Doesn’t Exist?