Are We All Just Looking For Someone That Doesn’t Exist?

We’ve definitely shifted away from the monogamous days of two humans connecting, sharing with and caring for each other.

Love these days is a guy in a bar trying to bag the hot chick on the adjacent stool. It’s quick and easy sex, the death of chivalry and of fidelity.

And it’s a slippery slope. Eventually, sexual encounters will only be casual affairs between baby mommas and baby daddies. Marriage will all but die out in a generation of divorce, and curiosity will outweigh faithfulness – because we’re rooted in the belief that the grass is always greener on the other side, and there’s nothing some mollies and Avicii tunes can stop us from doing, no matter how much we love our girlfriends.

But this leaves us stranded in the toughest of predicaments, because as much as we love to be a promiscuous bunch, test the waters with diverse pussy and collect the stories that come out of it – we at some point or another have to acknowledge the end of our reign and retire our jersey.

We will eventually want to settle down with someone. As humans, intrinsically we crave bonds and connections – we are social creatures by nature. We (eventually) want to share other moments beyond pulling her hair and making her look back at it.

And this is where the real problems arise. We’ve all been there before – we’ve all had that relationship that still lingers and stings when you think back on it. We were all naïve enough to believe it might last forever. Back then that person seemed perfect, because it was the first person with whom we ever shared such a bond, so essentially – they’re all we know. So we’ve constructed them in our minds to express perfection, because they are what seemed so right at first.

The experience is something similar to giving a baby a computer when all he knows is toys. He will go back to his toys. And that’s the mindset our generation is stuck in. Sure, we may have moved on, but we have set the standard pretty high for the next person to come around – hoping she might be as perfect as the first one.

The truth is, that’s impossible – everyone is replaceable, but you will never find anyone as perfect as the person you loved for the first time – which is why the first cut is the deepest.

You’ve made it so no one could be good enough to compete with her, they’ll never be at the same par as this infallible figure you’ve erected in your head. So you stop trying. We all tell ourselves that we want someone perfect, but that unachievable feat can’t possibly exist in the real world.

We’re setting ourselves up for failure. Perfection isn’t objective; it varies in perception. I think the perfect girl would wake me up with a morning BJ and never send me off to bed hungry. Someone else’s perfect might be multiple piercings and a back tattoo.

It’s based purely on preference, and that preference is defined and created in the wake of our first love, attempting to carry onto the next. That’s why they’re rebounds and space fillers. They are standing in for this idealized construction of perfection – unfortunately it doesn’t exist.

You need to open your eyes. You won’t achieve perfection. Your first girlfriend won’t come back to you; your life isn’t a Disney movie. There will never be anyone else like her – no one will ever smell like her, touch like her, bite her fingers when she’s nervous or call you by the same pet name (other than “babe”).

Perfect doesn’t exist in this world, and unfortunately what each of us finds perfect, we will never be able to find again – because someone else will be enjoying our perfect.

This leaves most of us aimlessly searching for something that doesn’t exist, not giving anyone we meet a chance because we’ve stacked the qualifications so high in what we want and require as our perfect. We keep putting it off and off, saying we won’t settle down – but, essentially, that leaves us all alone. A friend of mine is now 30 and so stubborn that he refuses to settle with any other girl who isn’t exactly like his first love.

We, collectively, have issues moving on, and as much as we swear we have – because it has been so long – we refuse to tell the truth to ourselves. We need to actually move on, we need to forget about our perfect and hit the reset button on that function in our minds.

We need to give other people a chance and not be so stubborn, hiding behind these imaginary walls we’ve erected around ourselves. We need to create a new perfect. We have to forget what was or what could have been and focus on what is.

~Guys In The Know

Are We All Just Looking For Someone That Doesn’t Exist?

Are You Really In Love?

“How can I tell if I’m in love?” is a probably one of the most common question, despite how simple the answer may be. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love.

This can get confusing, especially when you are younger because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don’t know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures and you have no idea what they all mean and if anyone else is experiencing the same thing.

What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not another? How does your heart choose a partner? These questions don’t have a definitive answer, but here is my attempt at breaking down the feeling of being in love.

You’re invested in his/her happiness: I’m not just talking about rooting for her while she is playing a sport. You’re really in love when you’re willing to put her happiness above your own, like skipping an event you were looking forward to and instead going to see her with soup when she is sick.

You want him/her to branch out: You want her to find challenges that will help her realize their potential and grow as a person. If you want her to stay the same and not have any adventures that will open someone up to the beauty of new experiences (that might not involve you), it’s not love, it’s just being needy.

You’re into all of him/her: In the beginning of a relationship/friendship, you’re almost always crazy-hot for each other. But if you’re just as hot for her even after you know about her excessive amount of flatulence, that’s a sign you might be in it for the long-haul.

You put it all on the line: If you’re not risking having your heart broken, you’re not giving this person a chance to know who you really are.

You’ve forgotten your ex: Ever since you met your new friend/ hookup buddy, however, the thought of getting back with your ex is the furthest thing from what’s going through your head. Come to think of it, you can barely remember what you found so great about your ex in the first place.
(You shouldn’t be thinking about your ex anyways, she is your EX after all)

You can’t stop thinking about him/her: She just pops into your head for no apparent reason, and you wonder if she is thinking about you half as much as you think about her. You wonder what they’re up to all the time and even consider calling them (but refrain from doing so in fear of looking overeager) at random times during the day or night just to hear the voice of whoever you can’t seem to get out of your head as of late. sights that you see and events you attend make you think of them and wish they were their to experience them with you. You’re out with your friends and you see something in a shop window and think about how much she or he would love that particular item. Something you wouldn’t normally look at twice.

If she is the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep and the first thing on your mind when you wake up– and you’ve even dreamed of them on a couple of occasions– then you don’t really even need to read on to know if you’re in love (but should anyway, ya know just to be sure).

You care: When you’re in love with someone, you want to know all about them: who they are inside, how they think, what makes them laugh. You truly care about her/him and their well-being

You love spending time with her/him: This one is pretty obvious. You look forward to seeing each other, and don’t care much about what the two of you will be doing. Furthermore, when you’re not together you miss each other and look forward to the next moment where you’ll see each other again.

If you have these ingredients it’s sure to be a long lasting relationship that, should be, able to over come most obstacles.

~Guys In The Know

Are You Really In Love?

9 Unstopable Ways To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend

Getting over your ex is one of the great dilemmas of being a man. It’s rarely a quick and easy process, and it’s often complicated by all the things that the two of you still have in common, like friends, favorite hangouts and even living quarters. Maybe the most frustrating thing about the whole process is that even if ending the relationship was the right thing to do — even if she cheated on you — it can still be hard to bury all those memories and move on with your life.

Here at Guys In The Know, we’re in the business of getting you back in the game, so we’ve put together a list of the 9 tips for getting over your ex. Follow this program from start to finish, and you’ll be better than your old self in no time, leaving her wondering why she left.

First things first: Stop acting like your ex was God’s gift to men. She wasn’t perfect.

#1 Quit stalking her.

Don’t just unfriend her on Facebook, block her. Don’t drive by her house, don’t send her innocent “hi” texts, don’t tell your friend to tell her you’ve been thinking of her, nothing.  Delete her number from your phone. remove any and all ways of communication. Yes, it will be sooo hard and you may slip. Think about this: Do you feel GOOD when you do any of this behavior? Do you think any of this is helping you heal, or helping her want to be with you, or helping anything? Truth: The only thing you’re getting out of this is feeling worse about yourself and your situation. Is that what you want? Your choice. No stalking, no following, no “checking in”.

#2 Sleep with another girl

The most foolproof method for getting over your ex is to sleep with another girl. It’s the fastest and most efficient way to get an ex-girlfriend out of your system. One of the reasons we equivocate about leaving an ex behind is because — no matter how confident we are — we worry we won’t find someone new. That’s what sends us crawling back to our familiar, comfy, dysfunctional exes time and time again. Finding a new love interest, even for one night, is the best method of countering all those self-defeating thoughts.

#3 Keep yourself busy.

This one might sound a little cliche, but it’s helpful. Left alone with nothing but boredom and time, the mind can wander, we can start feeling like a victim and depressed, start scheming up ways to get her back, start plotting revenge or other non-healthy schenannigans. The best thing to do here is take out your calendar and start filling it up. Call all those people you’ve been meaning to call, start that new exercise program you’ve been wanting to do, cook meals you’ve never cooked, volunteer, anything. An add on to this is to make plans for your future. Set goals, break them down, plan them out. Strategize and list out your “hell yeses”. What do you want to do that you weren’t able to do when you were attached? This is your opportunity to do what YOU want.

#4 Look at the experience as a gift.

This might sound like the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard, especially if you’re in the depths of your break up, but hear me out. A change in perspective has the ability to move mountains. What if you could just think about what you’ve learned from this experience? You might be thinking, “Well, I learned that she’s a major slut”, and that’s fine, but I want you to focus on YOU. What did you learn about you? What did you learn about relationships? About what you will and will not tolerate? What do you need to own?

#5 Don’t allow your ex to string you along.

Your ex may send you mixed signals or keep being undecided about what she wants. And you and your heart get bounced around like a ping-pong ball. Truth: Your ex may very well be confused, but she’s also getting his ego rubbed by you sticking around pining for her while she figures out if she wants to be with you or not. If the person stringing you along isn’t at least 99.9% sure she wants to be with you, leave her ass. She may be a master at giving you one glimmer of hope that sooner or later she’ll want to be with you, but in the meantime it’s your heart that is being abused, neglected and disrespected. Don’t giver her the satisfaction of thinking that you will be around if her new relationship doesn’t work out.

#6 Remember the bad times

It’s pretty common for guys to idealize their significant others after a breakup. You’ll just be going about your business, and then, suddenly, you’ll remember an inside joke or a great date. Then you’ll grin, thinking about a cute personality quirk she had, and before long, you’re fantasizing about how great your sex life used to be.

Snap out of it. One of the most important of our 11 tips for getting over your ex is to remember the bad times. Focus on the fights and the problems. Recollect her bad habits and shady behavior.  If it was really all that great you would still be together.  It’s like taking a cold shower.

#7 Throw away anything that reminds you of her

That dopey-looking teddy bear she gave you for your birthday, the sappy love letters she wrote, the adorable pictures of the two of you — chuck ’em. Throw it all away. The sooner you get all that junk out of your house the sooner you’ll get over her.  Don’t forget about the digital items like pictures on facebook, instagram, and where ever else you have phot’s of the two of you.  Ditch those too.

And before you ask, yes, it’s fine to keep items that don’t evoke any emotional connections. If she bought you a copy of Call of Duty 2, keep it. But clothes, jewelry, keepsakes, and the like should be ditched.

#8 Allow yourself to be (are you ready…) alone.

Okay- if you’re someone who jumps from one relationship to another, listen up. Dig deep and get honest with yourself about why you seem to always be in relationship. Individual autonomy is imperative for a healthy relationship. If yours keep failing, perhaps it’s time for you to spend some time alone. To experience the lonliness, to find out what you really want in relationships, your life, your future. Are you in relationships for the sake of being in one? Because being alone is harder?  You will spend a lifetime looking for “the one”, trying to make the relationship work, and pulling your hair out wondering what the hell is wrong with you or her. When the answer is there is nothing wrong with anyone except that you don’t know yourself yet.

#9 Take inventory about how you feel about yourself.

We get so caught up with the other person during a break up, and the relationship itself, that we tend to forget about ourselves. It might seem easier to try to control the other person, and to think “if only we didn’t break up- THEN I would be happy”. But, ask yourself, are you happy with you? Are you proud of who you are? Do you embrace exactly who you are, all of you- the good and the not-so-good?

How you view yourself, how you feel about yourself and the conversation you’re having inside your head about you, is a million times more important than any outside relationship. I don’t care who this girl is and how much you loved her. YOUR love for yourself trumps him. Always.

Bonus: Make sure your next girlfriend is an upgrade

One last thing you want to be certain of is that your love life is moving in the right direction. If your rebound girlfriend is a train wreck, you could end up moving backward and reconnecting with your ex, only to waste another year or two of your life on a relationship that’s doomed to fail. So be sure that your next girlfriend is an upgrade.

Banish her from your mind

If you follow these 9 tips for getting over your ex, we’re certain you’ll be back in the saddle in no time. It’s never easy, but with a solid plan and a lot of willpower, you can forget the past and focus on your future.

Guys In The Know

9 Unstopable Ways To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend

Best Harlem Shake Videos

Baauer’s smash hit “Harlem Shake” has officially gone viral as white people everywhere can’t seem to get enough of this shit.

The concept is simple. Some douche bag dances in the middle of the frame for a few seconds and then moments later it cuts into an all-out dance orgy.

It might be a little corny but some are actually hilarious. These are the best Harlem Shake videos on the web so far.  Know of one we didn’t?  Let us know.

And last but defiantly not least, our very own RI based Alex and Ani’s Harlem Shake.

Best Harlem Shake Videos

Top 5 2013 Super Bowl Commercials

The Ravens won the game, but which advertiser won the laughs and viewers in between the action on the field? Watch the top Super Bowl commercials this year below. Did we miss one you liked? Tell Guys In The Know in the comments.

Top 5 2013 Super Bowl Commercials

The Ultimate Guide For Picking Up Women At The Gym

Contrary to popular belief, a gym is one of the easier places to meet women. Knowing the underlying culture in a gym can lead a Guy In The Know to meeting and dating any single woman working out. Worst-case scenario: You may befriend a great girl who becomes a good friend — and even possibly meet her single friends.

One of the key aspects to picking up a girl in the gym is for you to be at the gym for the same reason: to actually train. If you go to the gym as a watering hole for your next conquest, you’ve screwed yourself from the word go. However, if you go to the gym to workout and focus on your own physical fitness, you will be surprised at the number of females that you are able to approach and engage with.

Understanding women at the gym

Essentially, there are two types of women that work out in the gym: the mutes and the chatterers. Knowing one from the other will help you focus the right charm and the correct moves on the woman you want with minimal trial and error.

The Mute

Consider this woman one to avoid. She is there to exercise and will see your approaches as an annoyance. She’s there to workout, not to be bothered by your attempts at game. Leave her be.

Spot the mute: Her workout attire normally includes a baseball cap, earphones, an MP3 player, and water. She avoids eye contact and conversation with others. She looks at the floor as she moves from machine to machine.

The Chatterer

Here’s your target. The Chatterer is there to meet people and you’re there to meet her. She likes to socialize and converse. The Chatterer enjoys working out, hanging out with friends, checking her Facebook status, getting some male attention, and boosting her self-esteem.

Spot the chatterer: Being a social creature, she will normally gravitate to the water fountain before the exercise equipment. She’s there to talk more than to workout. Her training regimen is sporadic and her technique is probably in need of some work. This is a perfect chance to swoop in and give her some pointers. Consider even inviting her to train with you.

Not every man is a guy in the know like you. Some are oblivious to handling themselves and the etiquette that goes with a health club or gym. Review the do’s and don’ts below; they will lead you to achieving your five main objectives.

We’ll start with arousing your gym cutie first.

What will help Turn her on

Smile and speak. A simple “Hi” or “Hello” will do. Then leave her alone for the rest of the workout — unless she invites you to talk more or even workout with her. This creates mystery and separates you from the pack.

If you see a woman struggling with her weights, spot her. However, don’t use this as an opening to begin socializing and laying out your game — unless she invites you to more conversation.

Ask her for a spot; however, refrain from using this as a chance to ask for her phone number or e-mail — unless she gives it to you.

Be funny and charming:  Avoid being too serious; this is a way to begin a conversation and to let her see something she’s not used to: a gentleman in the gym.

Wear the gear that suits your sport or you will look ignorant.

What is sure to Turn her off

Staring at women and following them around the gym is an instant turn-off. Workout stalker, you’re headed for an arrest.

Do not flex in front of the mirrors — you’ll look like a prima donna. Avoid machismo and its associated noises because it will sound as if all you need for an orgasm is yourself and your ego. (Either that or it will sound like you’re enduring torture.) Keep the noises just to the actual moments of exercise.

Be hygienic. No matter how good or confident you look, women detest men who are not clean and hygienic, even during a workout. If you sweat like the guilty, smell like a farm animal or leave puddles on the equipment and never wipe it down, jog your chances right out the window. Remember the power of deodorant before you begin working out.

It is acceptable to smell fresh, but do not overdo it. You are not a lace-and-doily 14th century prince, so do not smell better than your beautiful target in the gym. Do not bathe in cologne and do not exercise dressed like you are at the club.

Don’t comment or give compliments on body parts. Avoid statements along the lines of: “You have well-defined pecs”; “Great legs”; “You put a lot of work into your glutes”; or “It is obvious you workout because of your body.”

Don’t whistle or catcall. These types of actions will show you to be the jackass you are acting like. This is a gym, this is a classy in-shape beauty and you’re a grade-A Player. This is not a construction site.

Don’t touch a woman’s body in any way, even while helping her with the weights. If she is a stranger, make doubly sure you’re not touching her or violating her personal space.

Don’t mention anything related to sex or use any innuendos or double entendres. These are the quickest routes to a crashing conversation and making a girl very uncomfortable.

Don’t be impatient. Leading with questions about her relationship status is like dipping your game-winning hand in Texas Hold ‘Em. Get to know her first. You’ll quickly know if she is available or not.

Now that we’ve gone over rules and tips for the gym pickup, it is time to use them. Get ready for The guys in the know Pickup Training Schedule. Get your gear and grab your water bottle; the real workout just started.

Stage 1: Exploration (second day)

The guys in the know says that, while it’s easy to just focus on a woman’s body, learn her body language instead. Look at how she stands, how she interacts with others and how she moves with her music. Observe how self-conscious she may appear and how much chatter she engages in. Reading her level of comfort will let you know how approachable she is when you see her walk in. When you see her relaxing and comfortable, move in and be the face she is used to seeing around.

Use the first two days to establish a solid foundation of non-threat. She may suspect you’re interested, but it should never be painfully obvious. You’re a guy in the know, and your method is based on skill and a touch of subterfuge (smoothness not lies). Rather than go in for the instant conversation, fall back on confident eye contact, a smile and “Hello.” Then get to your workout.

Stage 2: Contact (third day)

With eye contact in place and her body language stating she’s comfortable, make the move. Do not appear hesitant or unsure. Before you move, however, do a quick hygiene check to make sure you’re as good as you know you can be.

Get a feel for how social she is by asking her opinion on a machine she is using. Even go as far to request a spot for yourself. If she opens up in full conversation, you have an opening. If she gives you one-word answers, take this reading seriously as a back-off.

When she is working out, do not hover while she does her sets. Move on to something else while she’s doing her exercises. This shows an impersonal approach and it takes you out of the obvious pickup category.

Stage 3: Icebreaker (fourth day)

At this time, begin to move things in a more personal direction. Become friendlier and employ your charm and icebreaking skills for good conversation.

Stage 4: Trust Development (two to three weeks)

If she works out at the same time every day and makes a point to walk by you during your workout, you have some interest building. She is more than likely finding you interesting and is awaiting another enjoyable encounter with you.

Develop your friendship during this stage. Read her and listen to her to determine if she’s available. Sincerely earn her trust, but do not get too personal as this can cement you in the harmless “good friend” category. Talk about exercise and also about things outside of your shared environment (the gym). Discuss friends, school, work, etc.; however, keep the conversation on issues of being healthy so your amorous intentions do not preview themselves too soon.

Stage 5: The Invitation

You’ve built a rapport, so go for the invitation out. Include her and her friends out for a drink of coffee. Be confident and lead off with: “Hey, I’d like you and your friends to meet me out for coffee this week. How’s Thursday?”

When (not if) you pick up the wanton weight lifter, do not kiss and tell. You’re a guy in the know and a gentleman. Plus, if things do not work out, keeping your romantic details between each other will make a breakup easier, more amicable and keep your reputation solid.

Believe this is too much work and time invested? You won’t feel this way when you have established a solid foundation with the women at the gym. You will have a base of potential pickups or potential hookups with their friends. Moving too fast will lead to a crash and burn, and you’ll see your lovely mistake every time you go to work out.

The Guys In The Know Express Approach

We all live very busy lives and so might the girl you are pursing at the gym.  If you are in the situation where it’s near impossible to make all the steps above happen give this a try.  The worst that will happen is you get to find out something about her. Make sure when you first get ready to work out walk by her and give her a smile with strong eye contact.  Wait until you see her pause during her workout, maybe getting water, stretching, or getting ready to start her cardio.  Approach her confidently without hesitation, but don’t get to close as to invade her personal space.

Tell her “I don’t want to interrupt your workout and this will just take a minute.  My name is (Guy in the know) and I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a dink tomorrow night? (grab her number and continue with your workout)”

Quick, direct, and confident!

Do the work, do the workout, get the girl, and don’t hate The Guy In The Know.

The Ultimate Guide For Picking Up Women At The Gym

Top Seven Men's Watches Under $150

A good timepiece is a necessity, and—some would argue—the only accessory a man needs. There are affordable choices out there that combine style and value. We found a number of watches that can enhance your look without breaking your wallet. Below is a list of seven different watches that all share a common theme: they’re fashion forward pieces that are diverse enough for any style or dress situation. The simple lines produce a statement all their own and make these watches…well, timeless.

7. Starting off with a blast from Kenneth Cole, the New York Super-Sleek is your basic black on black, but done in style. The white markers are a nice touch on this cool looking piece that can be worn anywhere.  Buy it here for: $59

 

 

6. Coming in at number six is another Kenneth Cole watch that exudes warmth and class. The color combination of the rugged brown and cream would be a perfect complement to a casual jeans outfit or a more dressed up look.  Buy it here for: $150

 

 

 

5. Gold on gold, this classic watch style from Nixon-Cannon is an eye catcher with its simple, bold lines. Straightforward, but done right, this one is a keeper. Buy it here for: $146

 

 

 

4.  Nautica’s Shiny Windseeker fits the bill for those who prefer silver. Another attention grabber that is incredibly versatile, this watch offers classic functionality at its best. Buy it here for: $135

 

 

3. Fossil offers this Dylan Blue Dial watch boasting a nice contrast of blue that pops out of the grey. The fashion forward color combination speaks for itself and will definitely be admired. Buy it here for: $135

 

 

2. Skagen’s Titanium Black Mesh Watch is bold and sleek. This watch sports a designer look that just exudes “modern” for a great price. If you want an eye-catching look for minimal effort and cost, this timepiece is the one for you.  Buy it here for : $79

 

 

 

1. A straight up classic, the Fossil Three Hand Stainless Steel Dress Watch is in the top spot for its versatility, price, and clean look. This one will go with virtually any outfit for any occasion, and the quality is to be admired as well. Great watch, great price: $90

 

 

Whether your look runs bold or subtle, elegant or classic, you can still accentuate your preferred style at a reasonable price. Sometimes a smart buy says as much about you as the watch on your wrist.

Top Seven Men's Watches Under $150