Getting over your ex is one of the great dilemmas of being a man. It’s rarely a quick and easy process, and it’s often complicated by all the things that the two of you still have in common, like friends, favorite hangouts and even living quarters. Maybe the most frustrating thing about the whole process is that even if ending the relationship was the right thing to do — even if she cheated on you — it can still be hard to bury all those memories and move on with your life.
Here at Guys In The Know, we’re in the business of getting you back in the game, so we’ve put together a list of the 9 tips for getting over your ex. Follow this program from start to finish, and you’ll be better than your old self in no time, leaving her wondering why she left.
First things first: Stop acting like your ex was God’s gift to men. She wasn’t perfect.
#1 Quit stalking her.
Don’t just unfriend her on Facebook, block her. Don’t drive by her house, don’t send her innocent “hi” texts, don’t tell your friend to tell her you’ve been thinking of her, nothing. Delete her number from your phone. remove any and all ways of communication. Yes, it will be sooo hard and you may slip. Think about this: Do you feel GOOD when you do any of this behavior? Do you think any of this is helping you heal, or helping her want to be with you, or helping anything? Truth: The only thing you’re getting out of this is feeling worse about yourself and your situation. Is that what you want? Your choice. No stalking, no following, no “checking in”.
#2 Sleep with another girl
The most foolproof method for getting over your ex is to sleep with another girl. It’s the fastest and most efficient way to get an ex-girlfriend out of your system. One of the reasons we equivocate about leaving an ex behind is because — no matter how confident we are — we worry we won’t find someone new. That’s what sends us crawling back to our familiar, comfy, dysfunctional exes time and time again. Finding a new love interest, even for one night, is the best method of countering all those self-defeating thoughts.
#3 Keep yourself busy.
This one might sound a little cliche, but it’s helpful. Left alone with nothing but boredom and time, the mind can wander, we can start feeling like a victim and depressed, start scheming up ways to get her back, start plotting revenge or other non-healthy schenannigans. The best thing to do here is take out your calendar and start filling it up. Call all those people you’ve been meaning to call, start that new exercise program you’ve been wanting to do, cook meals you’ve never cooked, volunteer, anything. An add on to this is to make plans for your future. Set goals, break them down, plan them out. Strategize and list out your “hell yeses”. What do you want to do that you weren’t able to do when you were attached? This is your opportunity to do what YOU want.
#4 Look at the experience as a gift.
This might sound like the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard, especially if you’re in the depths of your break up, but hear me out. A change in perspective has the ability to move mountains. What if you could just think about what you’ve learned from this experience? You might be thinking, “Well, I learned that she’s a major slut”, and that’s fine, but I want you to focus on YOU. What did you learn about you? What did you learn about relationships? About what you will and will not tolerate? What do you need to own?
#5 Don’t allow your ex to string you along.
Your ex may send you mixed signals or keep being undecided about what she wants. And you and your heart get bounced around like a ping-pong ball. Truth: Your ex may very well be confused, but she’s also getting his ego rubbed by you sticking around pining for her while she figures out if she wants to be with you or not. If the person stringing you along isn’t at least 99.9% sure she wants to be with you, leave her ass. She may be a master at giving you one glimmer of hope that sooner or later she’ll want to be with you, but in the meantime it’s your heart that is being abused, neglected and disrespected. Don’t giver her the satisfaction of thinking that you will be around if her new relationship doesn’t work out.
#6 Remember the bad times
It’s pretty common for guys to idealize their significant others after a breakup. You’ll just be going about your business, and then, suddenly, you’ll remember an inside joke or a great date. Then you’ll grin, thinking about a cute personality quirk she had, and before long, you’re fantasizing about how great your sex life used to be.
Snap out of it. One of the most important of our 11 tips for getting over your ex is to remember the bad times. Focus on the fights and the problems. Recollect her bad habits and shady behavior. If it was really all that great you would still be together. It’s like taking a cold shower.
#7 Throw away anything that reminds you of her
That dopey-looking teddy bear she gave you for your birthday, the sappy love letters she wrote, the adorable pictures of the two of you — chuck ’em. Throw it all away. The sooner you get all that junk out of your house the sooner you’ll get over her. Don’t forget about the digital items like pictures on facebook, instagram, and where ever else you have phot’s of the two of you. Ditch those too.
And before you ask, yes, it’s fine to keep items that don’t evoke any emotional connections. If she bought you a copy of Call of Duty 2, keep it. But clothes, jewelry, keepsakes, and the like should be ditched.
#8 Allow yourself to be (are you ready…) alone.
Okay- if you’re someone who jumps from one relationship to another, listen up. Dig deep and get honest with yourself about why you seem to always be in relationship. Individual autonomy is imperative for a healthy relationship. If yours keep failing, perhaps it’s time for you to spend some time alone. To experience the lonliness, to find out what you really want in relationships, your life, your future. Are you in relationships for the sake of being in one? Because being alone is harder? You will spend a lifetime looking for “the one”, trying to make the relationship work, and pulling your hair out wondering what the hell is wrong with you or her. When the answer is there is nothing wrong with anyone except that you don’t know yourself yet.
#9 Take inventory about how you feel about yourself.
We get so caught up with the other person during a break up, and the relationship itself, that we tend to forget about ourselves. It might seem easier to try to control the other person, and to think “if only we didn’t break up- THEN I would be happy”. But, ask yourself, are you happy with you? Are you proud of who you are? Do you embrace exactly who you are, all of you- the good and the not-so-good?
How you view yourself, how you feel about yourself and the conversation you’re having inside your head about you, is a million times more important than any outside relationship. I don’t care who this girl is and how much you loved her. YOUR love for yourself trumps him. Always.
Bonus: Make sure your next girlfriend is an upgrade
One last thing you want to be certain of is that your love life is moving in the right direction. If your rebound girlfriend is a train wreck, you could end up moving backward and reconnecting with your ex, only to waste another year or two of your life on a relationship that’s doomed to fail. So be sure that your next girlfriend is an upgrade.
Banish her from your mind
If you follow these 9 tips for getting over your ex, we’re certain you’ll be back in the saddle in no time. It’s never easy, but with a solid plan and a lot of willpower, you can forget the past and focus on your future.
Guys In The Know
9 Unstopable Ways To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend
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